


Attack of the Mary Sue

by TheOneTheyCalledQuail



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Gen, Humor, Mind Control, Parody, Sci-Fi, Suspense, intentional Mary-Sue, mild violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-22
Updated: 2013-08-22
Packaged: 2017-12-24 07:21:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/936981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheOneTheyCalledQuail/pseuds/TheOneTheyCalledQuail
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When a new, glittery girl shows up in Zim's class, he knows something is wrong; no one is that perfect. Can he manage to prove it, though, when even Dib has been caught in her net?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The New Girl

**Author's Note:**

> If by some chance you've read this on my FF account, you'll noticed that this version has been dramatically improved. Well, maybe not dramatically. But I did fix some stuff and it's, like, 60% better now. Maybe even 65%. Aw yeah, you're interested now.  
> (The chapters are pretty short, especially at first, but they do get longer. Also, this is my first time posting on Ao3, so if any formatting looks like junk I'll most likely find it and fix it eventually.)

It was a normal Tuesday morning in Ms. Bitters' classroom. The children were talking amongst themselves, waiting for class to begin. Dib was explaining earnestly to an uncomfortable looking Zita that the Skool's janitor was really a mushroom demon from the fourth dimension. On the other side of the room, Zim fiddled with some alien technology, which, of course, went completely unnoticed. However, he shoved it into his desk when Ms. Bitters entered the room, and everyone scurried to their seats.

"Not good morning, children. Today's horrible, disgusting lesson will be covering Earth's defensive mechanisms and weak points," she drawled. Zim grinned evilly over at Dib, who stared at his teacher, mouth agape. "Now," Ms. Bitters said, pulling down a map of the Earth, "all of our nuclear missiles are kept –" RIIINGG! the telephone on her desk interrupted. Ms. Bitters growled, wrenching the phone of its cradle with a bony hand.

"What?" she spat at the phone. She listened intently to the unintelligible garble on the other end. "What?" she repeated. "Isn't there anywhere else you can send her?" More garbling. "Fine. But you will suffer for it." She slammed the receiver down.

"Class, because the Skool board seems to be unable to learn from its mistakes, we will be getting yet another new member of our class," she said. Excited murmurs followed. Zim craned his neck to look at Dib, who obviously had the same thing on his mind. The return of Tak, or someone else like her, was not something either of them had contemplated. Of course, Zim was not worried; he had dealt with Tak easily last time, defeating her with his superior brain and piloting, and he could do it again.

Every head in the room turned as the door to the classroom opened. A dark figure was silhouetted against the door. Tension rose as the new student walked in, and dropped as soon as everyone saw her.

The girl was not someone you'd be afraid to meet in a dark alley. She had dark, shiny curls that cascaded down her back, held back with a deep purple ribbon, which exactly matched her large eyes. On her willowy frame, she wore a flowing purple dress, marked with black flowers, over knee high black boots. She was rather pale, but not in an unattractive way; in fact, that, with the dark eyeliner, just emphasized her sparkling eyes. In her ears she wore silver, star shaped earrings.

"Hello, everyone!" she said, with a voice like silk. "My name is Marilyn Susyn Celestia Onyx Ebony Raven Way, but you can just call me Mary Sue." The class stared at her, slack-jawed. Ms. Bitters, who seemed to have been shocked into silence, managed to ask, "Why don't you tell us a little about yourself, Mary Sue?" Mary Sue giggled sweetly.

"Okay! Well, I just moved here. I live in the orphanage down the street, 'cause I'm an orphan. I don't really remember my parents, except that they died in very mysterious circumstances. They were very rich, so now I have all their money, even though it should be in the care of my attorney or legal guardian.

"Like I said, I live in the orphanage, but only after I was horribly abused by my previous adoptive parents. Don't worry; I simply fried them with my amazing, unique, other-worldly powers. The orphanage people are really nice, and get me pretty much everything I want.

"People say I look Goth, but I'm not. They can go and die. I dress like this because I am an original individual who answers to no one and doesn't care what other, poorly dressed people think. Don't take that the wrong way; I'm really very nice and sweet, unless you disagree with my opinions, in which case you will be subject to my petty taunts. Don't forget: I am always right. If you keep that in mind, I'm sure we'll be great friends!" she squealed.

The class stared at her in a stunned silence that held for three, four seconds, before someone yelled, "I LUV U MARY SUE!" The rest of the class soon followed his example, cheering and whooping, clamoring for Mary Sue's attention. Everyone was swooning over their new classmate; everyone, that is, except one certain green skinned alien.

Zim gaped at the rest of his class, who were beside themselves with love for this girl, this 'Mary Sue' person. He didn't understand what the deal was; what was the difference between one filthy human and another? But something about this girl made his classmates throw themselves at her feet. Even Dib was staring at the girl with wide-eyed passion. When he saw Zim looking, though, he quickly lowered his gaze to the floor. Interesting. Very interesting.

Zim's confusion spiked at lunch time, when everyone, including Dib, gathered themselves around Mary Sue's lunch table. They were all totally enraptured by everything she was saying; not one of them would talk over her. Zim was slightly put off by this- let the humans do whatever they wanted, but now even Dib was ignoring him! What was he supposed to do at lunch to distract himself from the horrible Earth food if Dib was not there to annoy him?

Incensed, Zim stalked over to the table. Dib had, somehow, managed to sit himself right next to the purple, sparkly human. He seemed lost in her glittering purple eyes – er, light blue eyes – green eyes? Pink eyes? They were changing color even as Zim watched. He had to shake himself out of their seemingly hypnotic power before he could march over to the Dib.

"Hey! Hey Dib! Lookit this!" Zim yelled, displaying the piece of Irken equipment he had been working on earlier. It wasn't a terribly complicated piece of work, just a helmet-shaped camouflaging device. Still, it looked really alien, and Zim knew Dib couldn't resist it.

"Yeah, that's cool Zim," Dib replied airily, waving the helmet away. "Can we talk later? Mary Sue was just telling us the greatest story about how she saved a town only with her heart shaped electric guitar and her singing. Go on, tell him!" Dib begged the girl. She smiled, letting just amount the right amount of blush to stain her cheeks.

"Well, I was in this town looking for information on my parents, but it turned out the town I was in was under attack by evil magicians, so…" Mary Sue blabbed on about her story, enriching it with pointless details. Zim thought he was going to fall asleep, and Irkens didn't even need sleep.

"…and now they honor me as a hero. But it's no big deal, really," she finished, finally. Everyone, save for Zim, sighed admiringly.

"Wow, Mary Sue, you sure do a lot of cool stuff. I wish I could do the things you do someday. You're so lucky… I mean, you're so smart, charismatic, beautiful–" Dib   
blurted out, causing Mary Sue to giggle.

"Hey, maybe I'll take you along on my next amazing adventure! Don't worry, I'm highly trained in over five hundred types of martial arts, so you'll be perfectly safe," she said, leaning in closer to the big headed boy.

"I always feel safe around you," Dib said softly – which, Zim thought with a scowl, didn't make sense, since they’d known each other for all of ten minutes. He leaned in closer to the girl. Closer, closer…

"AHEM!" Zim cleared his throat, halting the couple's procession to closing the space between them. "Well, Dib, I'm just going to go home and… uh… perform some horrible experiments. On bunnies. Yep," Zim told him.

"Fine. Whatever," Dib replied, again ignoring Zim's hurt look, staring instead into Sue's kaleidoscope eyes. Zim cast Dib one more glare before blowing up the side of the cafeteria. No one so much as glanced his way. Now thoroughly downcast, Zim spider-legged his way home, to brood about recent events. And apparently, he had a lot of brooding to do.


	2. Discovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think, since this whole thing is already done, I'll just upload one chapter a day until all of them are up. Just a head's-up, I guess.

“Master… the cookies are heeere…” a voice echoed down the elevator vent. Zim barely looked up; he knew that the voice belonged to Gir. The robot had been sent upstairs so it couldn't bother Zim while he worked, but that didn't stop it from yelling down nonsense.

As Gir giggled sporadically down the vent, Zim researched the girl who had so infatuated Dib. His computer could hack into the Skool's database easily, but he didn't use it often because it only divulged medical information and the like.

He was looking up Mary Sue because he wondered if she had a, well, strange medical history – like one that involved nuclear spills or freak accidents. There was something horribly off about the girl, but Zim had no idea what. He hoped her history would give him a better idea.

That is, if there were a history.

A search of the girl’s overly long name had given him her head shot, address at the orphanage, and date of enrollment, but that was it. Zim stared at the screen, bewildered.

“Computer! Run Mary Sue's name through the system again,” he ordered. His computer sighed impatiently but complied. The results were the same. Now Zim was starting to get mad – who was this girl, and who did she think she was, evading him like this? He knew you had to have a medical history to be enrolled; he'd had a hard enough time forging one for himself to know that.

“Computer, what are you doing wrong? Where is the rest of it?” Zim yelled at the ceiling. Another sigh, more annoyed than impatient this time, preceded its answer.

“That's it. There's nothing else,” it replied. Zim seethed in his seat. This made no sense!

“There's got be something! Isn't there anything else with her name on it?” he screeched.

“No, there isn't! And quit yelling at me!” the computer replied with a huff. Zim clenched his teeth, almost shaking with anger. “Maybe you should ask someone else,” it suggested, offhandedly.

“But she just got here!” Zim protested. “No one's been around her long enough to know anything about her, except…” He trailed off, realizing what exactly he was saying. Yes, there was one person, who'd been hanging around Mary Sue all day; who had followed her after Skool like a lost puppy; who she seemed all too happy in confiding in. Zim cringed.

While the Dib human seemed not to care about Zim's doings earlier, there was no telling he'd be so complacent without the presence of Mary Sue. But the question of the girl loomed over Zim's head like a dark cloud. He had to know, even if it meant a confrontation with Dib.

Fifteen minutes later, Zim stood at the edge of the big-headed human's lawn. It was now that he realized how much he really didn't want to do this. He hated being near Dib at the best of times, and those weren't often. It was only Zim's want for an answer that propelled him up to the front door.

Zim was ready to throw the door open, march inside, and command that Dib give him the answers he wanted. But… was that laughter coming from inside? Yes; he could just make out two voices, now. A girl's and a boy's, from the sound of it. The male voice was obviously Dib's, but the girl's… there was Dib's scary sister, but from what Zim knew, she would never laugh so loud, unless someone was in pain. So that left –

“Mary Sue,” Zim spat out, grinding his teeth in anger. Oh, this was just beautiful. He'd walked all the way here, and for nothing! He couldn't tortu – er, interrogate Dib about the girl if she was there! Zim was about to turn and go back to his base when an idea struck him. A clever, wonderful, absolutely fool-proof idea.

Grinning at his ingenuity, Zim pressed his face up against the glass of the nearest window. Squinting, he could just make out the shape of two people sitting on a couch. Dib and Mary Sue. They seemed to be engaged in conversation, but Mary Sue stood up suddenly, cutting Dib off. She said something, and Dib nodded as she walked into another room. Zim ran to follow her progress through the house.

He was worried he'd lost her when he finally glimpsed her in a second story window. Using his spider-legs, he grappled up the side of the house. Not paying attention to the couple who was staring at him curiously, Zim stared into the window.

Luckily, Mary Sue's back was to him, so he was in no danger of being spotted. The girl was looking intently into the mirror, which, as Zim had observed, was not unusual for human females. But Mary Sue was not applying paint and powder to her face, not that he could tell. Her hand strayed along her hairline, and what happened nest almost made Zim fall out of his tree.

Zim watched in abject horror as she lifted her hair up, up, and off her skull, revealing the curly antennae beneath. Then she hit a small button on her starry earring, and her pale complexion faded, letting the darker green show through.

It was several stunned moments before Zim regained his composure.

“Oh, no. No way. You have got to be kidding me!” the alien screamed, throwing caution to the winds. Mary Sue was an Irken? That didn't even make any sense! Nothing about this scenario made any sense, for that matter! 

Fuming, he didn't notice at first that Mary Sue was staring at him with pale, milky white eyes. He met them, shocked. For what seemed like a long time, the two Irkens stared at each other. Then slowly, deliberately, Mary Sue raised her hand and… waved. Grinning like a maniac, she waved happily at a stunned Zim. So stunned, in fact, that he actually did fall out of the tree this time, and landed in a bush directly below.

Zim lay there for a second, trying to work his mind around what he'd just seen. Right. So Mary Sue was an Irken. Mary Sue was an Irken. Mary Sue was an Irken… and she was in there with Dib!

The Irken leapt to his feet, a sudden, sickening feeling of déjà vu washing over him. Mary Sue, a mysterious Irken who had lured in an unsuspecting Dib? Replace Mary Sue with Tak and boom, there you have it.

This, of course, wasn't Tak; this girl had white eyes, not purple. Which was strange, but not unheard of – occasionally, Irkens wound up with green or blue eyes. But white? This did not sit well with him; usually, Irkens with odd colored eyes were associated with 'bad stuff'.

For instance, when Zim was still a smeet in training, an Irken with yellow eyes had gotten hold of a surplus of bombs that made human hydrogen bombs look like fire-crackers, locked himself in his home – which he, proving his mental instability, had converted into a fortress – and demanded that, in return for not destroying every living thing in a one hundred thousand mile radius, he would be given a doughnut. Glazed, as Zim recalled. The Irken police force had eventually managed to break into his home and execute him.

This Mary Sue person, however, wasn't likely to do anything as rash as that. No, Zim had a sense that this girl was more cunning than she let on. Though not as much as Zim, she was smart enough, at least, to fool Dib. Unless she and Dib were working together to bring down Zim, though that didn't really seem like his style. Whatever the reason, he needed to find out exactly who this Mary Sue person was. 

And, Zim thought with a grin, as he walked back down the road to his base, I know exactly how to do that.


End file.
